The local charity realized that it had never received a donation from the city’s most successful lawyer.
The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, ‘First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long painful illness, and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?’
Embarrassed, the rep mumbles, ‘Uh… No, I didn’t know that.’
‘Secondly,’ says the lawyer, ‘did it show that my brother, a disabled Veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?
The stricken rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again
‘Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister’s husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?’
The humiliated rep, completely beaten, says, ‘I’m so sorry. I had no idea.
And the lawyer says, ‘So, if I didn’t give any money to them, what makes you think I’d give any to you?
Little boy asks his dad for a new bike.
Boy says, ‘OK pops. I understand.” and goes off to his room.
The next morning his dad is in the kitchen making coffee and getting ready for work when the boy comes downstairs with his suitcase.
“Alright Pops. I’m out of here. You guys have a good life.” He says as he walks to the back door.
” Wait. Hold up. What’s going on? Where are you going?” His father inquires.
“Well pops,” begins the boy,” Last night I had to pee and as I walked by yours and moms room I heard you say ‘That’s it! I’m pulling out!’ then I heard mom say ‘Hold on! I’m coming too!’.
He shakes his head and looks at his dad, ” And I ain’t staying here all alone with a $40,000 mortgage and no f**cking bike!”
A man is told the local bank offers mortgages with no interest
Man: I’m here to find out about the mortgage
Employee: I don’t really care.
I need a raise.
Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?
Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years.
Employee: I won’t beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.
Boss: A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.
Employee: I understand your position, and I know that the current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro- activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade.
Boss: Taking into account these factors, and considering I don’t want to start a brain drain, I’m willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time. How does that sound?
Employee: Great! It’s a deal! Thank you, sir!
Boss: Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies were after you?
Employee: Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company and the Mortgage Company!